The 8 Ball
Buzzword Bingo
Yo Mamma So..
Essex/Blondes
Chat-Up Lines
General Smut
Techie Humour
Parodies
Why couldn't Princess Di wash her hair?
She left her head and shoulders in the tunnel.
Why did Michael Jackson put cheese on his knob?
Cos kids will do *anything* for the taste of Dairylea
Where did Gary Glitter go on holiday?
He went to Tampa with the kids.
The Pope, Michael Jackson and George Bush are on a flight to Disneyland with a group of disabled children, when suddenly the plane starts to plummet towards the ground. Sadly, there's only three parachutes available to them. "Come on, let's go" shouts Bush. "What about the children?" asks The Pope. "Fuck the children" replies Bush. Then Michael Jackson asks "Have we got time?"
A guy and his wife are driving along the motorway, when some idiot Volvo driver swerves right across them, knocking them off the road.
Hours later, the guy regains consciousness in hospital. "What happened?" he demands of the Nurse.
"Well," she says, "you got away with a couple of cuts and bruises, it seems that the airbag took most of the impact for you".
"What about my wife? There wasn't an airbag on her side" he desperately asks.
"She wasn't so lucky as you. I'm afraid she took some severe damage to her spine and quite a bad knock to the head. It's highly unlikely she'll ever walk again."
The guy is beside himself with grief, but the nurse continues
"Not only that, but because of the impact to the head, she isn't quite all there. Speaking is going to be quite a challenge for her, and she's going to be incapable of many seemingly simple tasks. You're going to have to help wash, dress and feed her"
The guy pulls himself together enough to nod a bit, mumbling "whatever it takes, I'll do it"
The nurse continues further; "Also, she'll have lost most bowel control and will be pretty much totally incontinent, you'll have to clean up after her, and caring for her is going to be full-time job"
The guy is still weeping away, barely able to believe the events of the last few hours, when suddenly the nurse gives him a nudge and says
"Just fucking with you, mate. She's dead."
A guy takes his dog to the vets, and the vet asks him to open his mouth wide and saw "aw".
"You're a vet, why should *I* say 'aw'"? demands the man.
"Because your dog just died".
A woman is in hospital, having been in labour for almost 18 hours, when suddenly the end comes and she gives birth. The midwife cuts the chord, and holds the baby in his arms, when suddenly he throws it on the floor, kicks it around, then up in the air, before kicking it out of the window.
"My baby!!!!" screams the woman.
"April Fool!!" yells the surgeon. "It was still-born."